Infinity

Someone once asked me, "If you could be earth, wind, fire, or water, which would you be and why?" I instantly replied with water. Because it cuts through earth, douses fire, and can adjust to wind. It's always there, changes, but it's quite eternal. Different speeds for the course. Abundant, necessary. *shrug* I suppose that's why I'm a Pisces, the Fish. Or not.

I like those totally cliché girly movies. With the cliché guy and cliché lesson that the girl learns at the end. Where, somehow, she's a perfectly pretty, likeable person and she's not noticed for anything at all. But I like those movies because they're cute. I have to be in the mood for them though.

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong time and/or place. Like when I go to the store to buy clothes in the junior section. Everything either doesn't fit me or it's way too revealing. I hate dealing with my hair. I'd much rather put it up in a very beautiful cloth scarf in an intricate fold. And I hate the shoes they have now. I like either flat ones or boots or sandals. Because they make sense. Of course I like decorative ones, but it's just odd. I don't want to wear those high-as-one-of-my-fingers, the-base-is-so-pointy-it'll-put-your-eye-out stilettos because they're cute. And people say they give you better posture. Psh- learn good posture and you won't have awful feet later in life. Moving on. But clothes make me feel like I was put into the wrong time. I wish things fit me. I'm short and I don't want lowrise jeans. I have to steal my little sister's jeans.

Has anyone noticed that commercial where the mother is outside playing in the snow with her child? They've made a snowman, and the daughter says, "Mommy, you two are twins!" (The mother's wearing a white coat and red accessories like the snowman.) And then the mother's like "oh my goodness," and rushes to go diet. Because apparently snowmen are fat.
That commercial is a commercial I dislike. It seems like the woman was a size eight or something (which is a perfectly wonderful size), and she's got this dieting fiend. And she reaches for dumb diet foods like "protein water" and "100 calorie bars." (Yeah, like those are healthy and not loaded with high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils and aspartame.) I don't mind the dumb foods, it's the fact that she's caught up in the diet craze. She's not dieting to be healthier, she wants to lose weight. She was perfectly fine. Is society secretly encouraging eating disorders in all people by doing this? (Okay, I know that they are, and I have known for a while, but I'm making a point.) I feel no desire to lose weight, because if I do, my bones will pop out. And they do this for beauty (beauty is a subject I will not speak about). Beauty essentially is about "finding a mate," right? It's weird to me. Not the beauty thing, though. It's dieting for the sake of dieting. I'm all for watching what you eat, but for your health, not so you can fit into that little black dress you bought yesterday even though you knew you couldn't wear it yet. Oh well. That's why there're people with eating disorders.

I really, really dislike school. I feel listless and like I'm wasting my time. I wish people would teach me something that I couldn't find out on my own. This is why some of the classes I have are dumb. I feel like I could be doing something better with my life rather than scrambling to satisfy someone else's criteria and to make others like me.

I got my letter in the mail today. The letter with the contract in it that says I'll accept Florida A&M's scholarship and do what it says. I realize that the scholarship doesn't cover all of the things. And I have decided that I'm going to ask if I qualify for the next scholarship up. Because I'm not paying for room and board.

I wish I weren't so lazy. Gah.