my bling bling is like LED. XD

I'm going to college in exactly a week. (Okay, maybe eight days because we're leaving on the August 16th, but I say seven days until the Saturday that I can move into my dorm.)

My grandfather is flying down from Pennsylvania to drive down to Tallahassee with us so that he can see me off. My father has happily booked hotel rooms and has taken time off. My mother has also taken time off and is musing upon my departure. My sister, in her deathly downward spiral, is talking about how she will not miss me and how she's not going to miss school to see me off. (She's staying at home.)

My room right now is a complete and utter mess. I don't think my room has ever stayed this messy for as long as it has in a long time. I came back from visiting my family in PA and my bags aren't even unpacked from that yet. The suitcase is lying on the floor, open, still with my pillow and blanket inside. I have boxes everywhere in my room. Baskets of clothes are sitting everywhere. Some of the baskets have dirty clothes that I want washed to take to Florida A&M; some of the baskets have clean clothes that I haven't put away yet. I have five plastic bins in my room, labeled. One, the pink one, is labeled "linen." My washcloths, bedspread, and such are in that one. In the purple one I put my toiletries- I didn't realize how much goes in my bathroom until I started filling the bin. The turquoise bin is labeled "books." I have a lot. I didn't mean to. Only eight of them are leisure books, and the rest are either architectural books, linguistic books, or books that I've bought for English classes. And of course Harry Potter is in there. The final bin, the green one, has random things in it that I know I'm taking. My PlayStation2 is in it, along with games, cords, and DVDs. My novel notes are most likely going to go in there too. I can't decide whether or not I want to take my VCR. I'm not taking my T.V., I know. I'm taking the one that used to be in the basement, which is much sleeker and smaller. I have a giant, giant purple bin that could double as a bed, where I'm putting in all of my clothes. Right now, only my new clothes and skirts are in there. Clothes that I know I'm not wearing in the next week.

I've accomplished a lot, actually. I don't have very much packing left (with the exception of my clothes). I have a list of things that I need to buy, like a new purse (which my aunt is going to buy for me), organic cane sugar (because I know they won't have that in college), an insulated mug (because I love having hot tea in the morning before I go to school and at night before I go to bed), and rainboots (I love them). There's much more.

I don't know what it is, but… Today I was staring into space, thinking. I'd always thought that something would happen to me, like death, before I reached college. I don't know why. I could never envision myself beyond a certain point in my life, and now that I'm about to cross the threshold into a new place, I feel strange. I'm not scared- I don't ever think I've been truly and honestly afraid of something happening to me (body-wise). When I think of college, my stomach goes light and bubbly and I think of the unknown. I like the unknown, but it's quite perilous and scary. But I still cannot envision my future. I can't. My mind goes blank after dorm move-in day. I don't know if it's because the future is uncertain, because I honestly feel like I'm going to die, or because I don't know what college is like. I'm so confused.

I'm crazy and I know that. People who know me are used to me linking things in strange ways in my brain, saying things that don't make sense, and becoming ecstatic about everything. I'm a generally sunny person. But I know that I can come off as a bit odd to people who do not know me. I think that's a factor in my uncertainty with the future.

I yearn for togetherness. Togetherness makes me feel so warm and happy inside. I'm currently infatuated with two Korean groups (2NE1 & BigBang), and because they're from the same label and they've grown up together, they're just like family. I wish I could find that too. Just some level of togetherness. I really like being around people.

Lately, one part of my personality has been bothering me. Why is it that other girls are so apt to buy makeup and dress up and put a lot of effort into clothes and act in a certain way, and that I find it extremely hard to do that? I can't do that at all. Yes, I like clothes and I care about the way I look, but I don't pay that much attention to it. I'm so confused. Some days I'm like "omg, I'm a girl!!!111 I could do blah blah." But then I get bored being frivolous and move on to something better, like Diablo II.

Anyway, these are my thoughts today.