[i'm the] queen of apology

Before I begin, I would just like to apologize if I'm a depressing person. I feel like blogs are a place to put things I wouldn't normally say aloud. *shrug* Unfortunately, I say good things but keep bad things inside. So, for me blogs may be slightly depressing because I just don't say it. But I don't think this one is depressing, just chatty.

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Blog Post 7/14/2010

Things I Have Learned This Week (… and it's only Wednesday)

1. My cousin from the Bahamas (who is in elementary school) is not doing well in school due to the fact that no one can take her. Therefore, she's coming to live with us here in Georgia (she was born here, so it's more or less okay) and go to school here where there's structure. Please note that my 24 year old cousin is already living with us (to find a job), but is going back to college in late August. {more on that later} This means that my 24 year old cousin will move into my room while my Bahamian cousin lives in the room that my 24 year old cousin occupies now (for a little while). Which means that for a week or two, I (or my cousin) will be without a room. [Her not having a room is worse than me not having a room in my opinion because she'll take it internally and complain and be sad about it.]

2. My 24 year old cousin who I previously mentioned cries to herself when she thinks no one notices. This is because she's been here for a year going to job fairs and tutoring and substitute teaching and she hasn't gotten a job. She is trying to become an actuary as well. She actually wants to be a writer, but I think she's doing the whole "starving artist" thing. She makes things hard for herself, and because she's so absorbed in herself, she fails to notice the failing structure of our home. She thinks that because she technically doesn't live here, that it's not her problem. Note that this is the same cousin who, on April Fool's Day of this year, threw our entire family into tumult because of her carelessness. She's going back to college to get a degree in "geography planning," which is something she doesn't even want to do, but she's doing it because they'll pay her for it.

3. Money is scarce. Because my parents did not want me to drive in high school, I do not know how to drive. Because I do not know how to drive, I have no car. Because I have no car, I can't go to places where I need to be. Because I can't get anywhere, I cannot get a job. Because I cannot get a job, I cannot get the things I need to "succeed in my endeavors." I have no money, and it's really annoying.

4. I can't live harmoniously with my parents anymore. I just can't. They don't listen, they don't notice anything.

5. I really miss school. I miss architecture so much. I miss doing things with my hands and taking all the things that I'm good at and putting them together to make something. I don't miss my college, just the state of mind that I'm in while I'm there. I'm in constant creative, taking care of myself mode, and that's really good for me. Whereas when I'm home, I'm idle, and if I don't do anything, I feel like I'm letting myself down. Going back to school should be really good for me.


Why is it that most of the world's problems (including ALL of my problems) can be solved by just paying attention to other people and communicating? HEY OLDER COUSIN, maybe if you paid attention, you'd know that my sister hurts herself. HEY MOTHER, maybe if you paid attention, you'd know the older cousin is in a deep depressive state.

Everyone has their own problems, but does that mean we should forget everyone else's issues as well?