i'm a young one stuck in the box of an old one's head.

While I'm waiting for my chicken to thaw so I can put it into the oven, I thought I'd update this blog.

I've been in solitude in my room for the majority of this weekend. I haven't really talked to anyone that wasn't on the internet, save for a couple phone calls. I watched the first season of an anime (Darker than Black- it's quite interesting, actually, even if the ending is like Witch Hunter Robin in that it's vague), and I partied with internet friends. I've come to a couple of conclusions.

I have a person in my life that I wish wasn't. He's arrogant, insane, and believes he's always right. When I needed him last semester, he gave me (and my old roommate) rides to Wal-Mart, which we both needed (and accepted against our better judgment). Now, I want nothing to do with him. His vibe is all wrong. And even though it's rude to ignore someone that's given a bunch to you, I frankly could care less. I don't answer my phone, and I don't answer him on Facebook. And if he thinks I'm mean, then so be it. This situation has made me realize how very much I want to be liked by everyone (which is why my default mannerisms that I project are just nice and clueless), and how bad that is for me. If I try to satisfy someone that I don't even like (or isn't even giving me something I want badly [i.e. a crazy teacher giving me a grade]), then I'm somehow hurting myself. And I've decided that if being talked about in a "mean" fashion is what I get for not hanging out with him, then that's fine. I don't need opinions from someone whose opinions I don't even value.

When I graduate, I want my degree to say that I graduated with a very high GPA and good accolades. However, I've decided that graduating "with honors" from the honors program is far too much work in this school, to the point where it would inhibit on my architectural degree. Seriously, I don't want to be absent 2 weeks each semester for "honors conferences" (that would be missing 18 hours of design class!), take 18 hours of honors credits that my major doesn't have, and participate in meetings that infringe on my time to build models. And when it comes down to it, people really don't care that you graduated "with honors" in that way. I'm going to graduate with a Masters degree before I'm 25. I'll be a badass already. So, yeah. That's another example of me satisfying something that I don't even want/ benefit from.

My RA, as I've already said, is absolutely insane. I don't understand how she can "terrorize" us in the way that she has and then decide to be my friend on Facebook. Hell no, you cannot be on my friends' list. I actually like most of the people on that list, thanks. If I added you, my other friends' value would be decreased. Sahrry.

I also realize that while I do have more people that I'm friends with at FAMU rather than in Georgia, that number still remains in the single digits. And I am so glad that I don't mind this. Most of the people on the internet understand me (*cough my obsessions cough*) more than the people at FAMU ever will. And I don't care that I don't have more friends. I love the ones I do have.

I feel like this blogger is the only place that I'm absolutely safe where no one will read this other than the people I want to read it.

I think that's about it. I've put the chicken in the oven. I'm going to go take my shower now, do my homework, maybe go to the Emmy party on ONTD, and then watch True Blood.

I've also come to the realization that I like my solitude. Not having anyone to talk to (verbally) makes me realize how much I actually need to say. I've always thought that being reserved with words is oddly quixotic.

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And in relation to the song lyrics of the title. It comes from a song that has a tendency to make me (want to) cry. It's "W.A.M.S." by Fall Out Boy. It's from the part of the album that I'd written off because I didn't like the intro. LOL. But, some of the lyrics really talk to me. All of the songs that I'd originally "written off" ... scare me.