Body Issues

It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to talk about clothes or exercise or food with my family.

Every time I mention something health-related or finding clothes to fit my body type, my mother starts talking about how I need to lose weight in order to get back to the way I was when I took my senior pictures. I’m not overweight, I eat better than most, and I exercise when I can.

I’ve been trying to explain to my mother that my weight gain didn’t happen until March/April of my senior year, when my hormones started going haywire and my health issues peaked again. That on top of the “Freshman 15” caused me to gain weight. However, January 2011 to March, I started exercising more, trying to regulate my body’s systems, since my parents won’t take me to a gynocologist for my issues. (They maintain that it’s my exercise and diet that are giving me problems.) Yes, I lost my “Freshman 15” and a bit more, but I’m still not where my mother would like me to be.

I don’t like exercising around them. We don’t have any running equipment, and I can’t run outside during the day while they’re gone in the summer due to the sun (I’m supposed to stay out of the sun on my doctor’s orders). They say derogatory things like “It’s about time,” or “Maybe you’ll fit into a size 6 again!” or “Maybe your bra size will go down!”

I don’t like eating around them. “Watch what you’re eating!” or “Don’t have too much of that!” … I have stricter eating habits than they do. I don’t eat red meat, I don’t eat very many dairy products, I’m allergic to a lot things, etc. They either cook what I can’t have or only buy what they like. I have no money to eat how I’d like. (I do in college, however.) As a whole, we eat healthily, so that’s not my issue.

I’m about to tell them that it’s a taboo subject, that they should just not talk about it with me. It’s hindering my self-confidence, and I feel so ugly and misshapen when I’m out and about with them. It’s easy to ignore what others say, to just shrug that off, but you’re supposed to listen to your parents. I hate that. I don’t believe I’m ugly, and I don’t think I’m “overweight.”

However, in order to live the life I want, I do need to lose a bit of weight, which I can do this summer. (Actually, I just want muscles, lol.) I honestly do love myself, and I try not to second-guess my appearance and not be mean to myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and psychologically.

But I can’t acquire the things I want in my life while there’re people around saying such disgusting things to my face. And these are people I’m supposed to love.